Like many people today, I have created unhealthy habits/practices when it comes to interacting with Social Media. It is undisputed that social media is incredibly addictive much like gambling or other self-abuse habits. In December I went through a few life challenges which pushed me into letting go of Facebook on December 31st. I was thinking initially that I would just turn it off for a few days but then a few days passed and the funny thing was, I did not miss it, even now at 80 days. Here is my update with now 80 days without facebook. If you did not read my first article on this journey, please start there.
Between my first article and this one, I am sharing how I experienced a complete life transformation in a mere 80 days. This was accomplished by the simple practice of surrendering to the universe moment by moment. The requires listening the the directions given, aka listening to intuition and honing that. Now I never question, no matter how silly intuition seems. Much of the time intuition is telling me to do simple tasks, like pick up a plate and clean it in that moment instead of waiting until my ego feels it is more convenient. You two can transform your entire life in a short time if you choose to let go and live in the flow of the universe. Our resistance is our destiny, embrace it and you will only be amazed!
I have continued the practices that I added to my life in the first 40 days and now gone deeper with quite a few of them.
Note: I did not plan or have any goals for this journey. Everything just naturally manifested when I gave space, a lot of space, in my life. Social media honestly commonly took up to 5 hours of my time each day. That is a lot of hours. Here is the short list of things I gained during day 41-80+:
- Found myself – This 2nd chapter has been the deepest falling into an inferno of insecurity and fear I have ever embraced. I allowed myself to be triggered by every situation and learn how to grow from each one.
- Reawakening in California. – I spent most evenings crying myself to sleep during the California trip. I was being hit with so many fears and anxieties and I left knowing that I was going to lead my life in a very different manner from that point on.
- Standing Up!!! I went nuclear on this one. After 10 years of fear of people of my past, I finally put restraining orders on my former wife and writing a kindness letter to my ex who has stalked and harassed me plus people in my life for 5 years. The letter asked for us to end this nonsense and just be kind to one another. Standing up to these two women was so scary. I had felt terror for so long about these women. I am so grateful for the trip to Cali where i faced a few of my deepest fears and finally released them so I could stand up.
- Deeper levels of vulnerability – Developing the court documents for my 2 cases forced me to be incredibly vulnerable about my experiences. I had to face the reality of my wife raping me and then share it publicly. I had to let go of the feelings of humiliation and foolishness which caused me to get in the situation in the first place.
- Facing Loneliness!!!!!! – HOLY SMOKES!!!
- Totally new sleeping schedule – Another gift of the Cali trip was changing my sleeping schedule. The event was exhausting physically but also emotionally. I was wiped. Another confession is that I have been on sleeping aids for nearly 2 years. At the worst, I would take 4-5 over the counter aids and sometimes a dozen or more melatonin to attempt to sleep. During the trip I got down to just one over the counter sleep aid.
Well, the universe has gifted me some changes and I am now waking up between 3-5am every day. I have been off all sleeping aids since Cali.
- Writing, Writing and More Writing – I feel the reason I am supposed to be up this early was to write. I have accepted the challenge. I never know what I am supposed to write, but inspiration hits me like lightning and I just jump right in. Most days I am writing 4-5 hours. Without Facebook, and my house completely clean, I have plenty of time to write now.
- Launching Heal Hurt.org – Most of the guidance I get is to write about my experiences with domestic violence in my past relationships. This process is exhausting emotionally and physically but I have accepted the challenge. These writings are the foundational articles for HealHurt.org. A no-profit organization dedicated to help others heal from domestic violence and other forms of trauma.
- So far I have shared about nearly dying by my former wife, her raping of me during our marriage and the stalking/harrassment of a former partner for nearly 5 years now. I have vowed to never allow another person abuse me in the ways these partners did. I am also so grateful for everything they taught me and I would not change a single thing. They have been the greatest teachers of my life.
- 2+ hours of meditation daily plus 2x week meditation in groups.
- Meditation is continuing. The deeper I have gotten into it, the more calmness I have found. I rarely feel any fear, anxiety or stress anymore. I feel simply connected with source and I am able to have the answers to most questions in mere moments.
- Learning to dance with my whole soul! – I have been a part of the ecstatic dance group in Spokane for many years now. One thing that I had realized early on was I had a deep fear of having my back turned to the room while dancing. After the week that I went to court to put the restraining order and writing the letter to the ex, this fear dissipated. I could not believe it but on March 1, during our Sunday session, I was able to spend the entire 2 hours spinning, dancing and feeling so safe no matter my position in the room. It was this moment when I realized how much terror I had been feeling for nearly a decade.
- Finished organizing the entire house!!! I have gotten even deeper and conquered my office. I cannot believe how wonderful it feels to live in a completely organized space. Everything feels so free. People can pop in anytime and I am never nervous or worried about what they think. I now even am excited to give tours of the home, which I had never done before. Some friends who had been over a dozen times had never seen the whole house. I am done with disorder in any parts of my life. Above is a gallery of a few of the final rooms.
- Weight loss & body reshaping continued – I have gotten even deeper in my gym. I added push up exercises to my regular routine to work slightly different muscles. MAN THOSE HURT in the beginning. I started with 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups (total in the day, multiple sets.) while I was in California for Central Coast VegFest. I wanted something that would mimic the routines that I was doing at home. Well, I found some new things to tone :)I am finally ready to share what has been happening. Here are the first photos of my early transformation. I am sure I could do even more during this time but I am very pleased with the results. I believe that healing my soul and specifically my energy blockages in my solar plexus allowed this belly fat to finally begin to dissipate from my body. I am sure some people who have deep fears are able to work the fat off, but I feel that healing is required for a toned/flat stomach. At least it was for me. Our body keeps more fat on it to protect us emotionally and energetically and so we have to do major healing before the body feels safe enough to release its protection layer. Judith Orloff talks about this protection layer which many sensitive people have on their body to make them feel safe in her book The Empath’s Survival Guide, I mention it more in my reading list below. I stumbled upon this understanding a few years ago and I knew I was going to have to do some serious healing before my body would allow me to fully be the outward shape that my ego desires and I feel is necessary to help people break down the myths about plant-based living 😉
- Rollerblading in traffic – While I was attending CC VegFest I got a LOT of rollerblading time in. I think I did about 40 miles including a full half marathon in downtown San Luis Obispo. GOD THAT WAS FUN!!! I got over my fear of traffic and flowed with traffic for over 2 hours ad I built a loop through their downtown. I look forward to doing that routine again but I learned that city blading is very expensive, during these two hours I burned down 1/4 of my break on my blades. The break costs about $10 to replace so that two hours cost me about $2.50 and left quit a bit of pollution on the ground. Probably not as much as a vehicle does during that time but still a bummer. Video of blading in San Luis Obipso
- Designing my fear list
- Honing Intuition
- New Tea concoction – Garlic, Turmeric, Black pepper with Ginger Tea.
- Reading – I have been primarily writing during this 2nd 40 days but I still recommend these 3 books.
The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer
Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff
- Less Netflix shows before bed. Almost zero tv/netflix now. The first 40 days I cut back a lot but very rarely do I watch any. I simply am having so much fun with everything else.
- WRITING!!! I got much deeper in my book and came up with the working title. It is going to be called Standing UP: Healing and Empowering One’s soul after Domestic Violence(Or Trauma). I am not sure about the finish on the book title but that is what I am working towards. The title comes from the phrase I keep saying that I am finally standing up for myself. It is true and the title is perfect for what I have experienced.
- Journaling – I have gotten even more consistent with this!!!
- Gratitude – Gratitude is medicine for the soul. Keep doing it, it works 🙂
- Healing with others – I have dedicated this time of my life to help heal all of the hurts that have happened due to my choice to not stand up. My cowardliness caused so much trauma for others and I am truly sorry for this. I know that everything does happen as it is supposed to but it is hard to see that I unintentionally contributed to others suffering.
- Forgiveness time. This is a constant but I have done deep forgiveness work during this time.
- Continuing the new non-profit. Framing the new non-profit which focuses on healing from trauma. I spent a lot of time during these months getting the new non-profit organization structured. It is an ongoing project but I am excited to help others heal.
- Legally free. One hooray for the month of January is that the judge agreed that my marriage from 2018 was fraudulent due to her not disclosing her mental health disorder before we got married and I was granted an annulment. This means that my marriage was completely wiped off my record and I get to start life again with a clean slate. This was a huge sigh of relief. This is going to help me be able to feel safe standing up for myself now. I am no longer going to be a doormat!!!
I never intended to do any of these things but each of them just sort of fell into my life and I accepted the challenge. I am not planning on staying off of Social Media forever but I have chosen to not use it in the ways I used to. For me, having my profile active was like having an open bottle of alcohol for an alcoholic. I needed to learn to be able to have the bottle out without a need to touch it. This comes to self boundaries, a word that has been a focus for my past 2 years of living. Be sure to regularly evaluate your boundaries and make sure you are taking care of yourself. Eckhart Tolle recently shared a video and in it he spoke a quote we all know so well. “Love thy neighbor as thyself”. Loving others has always been simple for me but treating others better than I treat myself has been my downfall. We are required to love ourselves AS MUCH as we love others. That blew my mind and I have not been able to get it out of my mind since hearing it again in that context. Life is a practice, every day we get to choose what we add to it. I urge you to embrace life and go live it to the fullest!